the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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