I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
