I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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