Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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