so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize