you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
