I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Operation Purity has been aborted
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
