Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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