Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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