Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?