Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
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about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.