She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.