There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.