My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma