Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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