rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
