Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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