Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its liver damage thursday
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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