if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
