You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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