They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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