Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
