Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
