I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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