Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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