I accidentally burped into my bong.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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