Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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