I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
