At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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