If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
