Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
