sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
