I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
