my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
