New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
is it fun? or sober?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
