Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
