I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
