You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
