i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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