Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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