Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My balls are so social today.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
