please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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