He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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