why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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