NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
