ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
