Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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