Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize