burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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