Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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