got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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