So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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