This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
