i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
