"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
