...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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