I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
