those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
