I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
