How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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