what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
