I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
