i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize