; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
