Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
