fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
