I just pynch a tree in the face
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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